The truth of all things

You know it's funny the times that you have conversations with your spouse that you aren't expecting..Late last night when he got home from everything I got to talk to Jeremy and was impressed by the conversation he had earlier in the evening. You know sometimes I think that it is hard to be honest because it might tear down that "perfect family" facade even in the midst of trial. I know that I am not good at asking for help except from my true friends that have seen me in my desperate moments. I am slow to trust and loyal to those that I can trust to the bitter end. Past experiences have created this harder exterior that somes to come across as unfriendly in my later years. If anyone knew me back in the day they would never had labeled me as reserved-I was loud and outgoing and probably hyperactive. So my shock when Jermy said he was totally honest in this conversation-was shocking. I mean I am glad that he said it-sorta wishing I still had the guts to say some of it. But most of all it made me think a lot about who I have become. Most of the loves of my life-dancing, running and singing have fallen by the wayside. I plan to find them again and my other loves-right now I am just trying to get in the habit of journalling again with this blog. But I have been thinking a lot of the woman and her accusers who was found in adultery and taken to the Savior before she was stoned to death. (No I didn't commit adultery or anything!!!) I keep wondering what she must have been thinking as she sat there on the ground with everyone holding their stones and the words of the Savior. "So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. 8 And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground.
9 And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst. 10 When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee? 11 She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more. "
Was she thinking-i will never sin again? did the people in the group leave realizing that we each struggle with things that are so different-how can we cast stones when we are all imperfect. I hope that even as I struggle with the wall around my heart that I still have the compassion and love for others whether I agree with them or not. My own road has it's challenges and mountains-let me be the one that helps and not hinders.
Thanks Esther for being the only person in my life that has stuck with me all of these years. I know we have changed a lot in 22 years and not always gotten along, but our friendship has survived and our girls' friendship is a sweet fruit of it all. I am grateful for Bobbi who was an instant friend back in March 2004. I feel as if I have known her forever and when I was so scared of that emergency c-section that she gave me (the stranger) the hugest pep talk that made it an easy one. Hopefully we'll get to watch some Aggie soccer and football with you this fall.
Most of all thanks to those people that have given me the example to be a good mom even thought I was an only child. I thought being a mom would be sooo easy and it is not. But it is fun and I still have days that I wish I could have one more....But that was not in the cards so I am doing my best to love each new day and appreciate all the blessings I have. Because time goes by fast and I hope that in the next life I get to be with those I love forever.

Well...

Ok-so I am probaly writing too much now-but I loved yesterday. Not because I am totally behind in everything-but I went shopping with a friend, got Keira signed up for gymnastics and laughed most of the day with Keiraisms. She loves gymnastics and it is soo much fun to have a friend in her class-tyler. Now I think I talk to Angela and keep her from watching Tyler in gymnastics-but I so enjoy it. The two of them in class together is soo cute. The running and jumping is so cute. I'll miss that when she stops doing it. I went to Taret yesterday and found these cool lunch kits for the kids so I don't have to use plastic bags and juice boxes. unfortunately I was shocked that a thermos is $16.00! remember when thermoses came with your lunchbox. Not anymore. the little ones that come with a lunch box leak all over the place and ruin the kids lunches-what's a mom to do-how do I keep the drinks cold and not leak with out spending $30 on thermoses for them? It will be $45 next year when three of them are in school? I just really want to lessen my trash output and I thought I could pick up a thermos for a reasonable price-guess not-anybody have any ideas? Ok well-if I added you to my following page-just want to keep in touch-hopefully you will enjoy my page some...

the seasons of life

I have been struck by the amount of trials that we all face as we raise our children. When I was in 7th grade my friend, John, went home from school one night and was gone the next day when his lung collasped due to asthma. When we moved to College Station, a family lost their little girl that would be Kelsey's age in June 7 years ago. We recently have learned that there are 4 families that are facing serious trials with regards to their children. Two are faced with tumors that will take them from their families too early. I don't know these two families well , but we pray for them every night for the Lord to watch over them as they endure this trial. I hear time and again how strong these families are and that is why the Lord gives these huge trials. I think of how differently we can all react to these experiences. I believe these grandparents must have taught their children the gospel of Jesus Christ so that these parents have such a core strength in the Lord that through this trial they will always know the Lord loves them and knows them. I hope that despite my weaknesses that I am helping my children love the Lord and helping them find their own strength in Him-regardless of what may come.
But what has struck me the most is 4 times this weekend I have been told-"oh-you get no break from the kids" since I don't have them in preschool or a gym membership. I know that I need to get back into physical shape-and I am walking or biking regularly to help that. But even on those rough days (for me anyway) I have never doubted that. I think of these families and think about how every minute is a treasure and a gift. These five years of each child is a gift for me. I will have to give them up to the school system soon enough-At 21 I was told I wouldn't have any or maybe just 1 like my mom. So the road it took to have them all has been emotional-but I don't want to surrender any time to anyone else. Kenna is the last one and in 4 years she'll be in school. Time goes by so fast-being a mom is hard but getting to kiss my kids every day and tuck them in and read them a story every night is a gift that the Lord gave me. I am forever in His debt for these amazing children I have. I'm far from perfect-but I love them and am soo proud of them for the love the have for each other and the good kids that they are. So-I'll get my break soon enough-in the mean time I have some playdough and tickles for today and a little "preschool" work with Keira to get her ready for kindergarten next year.
My season of life is becoming the late summer and if I don't keep my eyes open I might miss the beautiful sunsets and popscicle smiles during this time. I love my season of time-hopefully I won't take it for granted again as I have this past 1 1/2 years....

Big League Dreams

I never thought that I'd say this-but we went to a tournament this weekend at Big League Dreams in League City-and it was sooo cool! All the fields were mini major league fields. It had A/C which was the best and I got to sit behind homeplate and watch Kyle pitch. He was awesome! he kept a better team to three runs in three innnings and it would have been less if a couple of balls hadn't gotten past his teammates. i really never understood the multipication of the heart as you have kids, but watching them accomplish something is soo much sweeter than when you do it yourself. I know that I need to scheudule time for myself, but some days-i really love just being a mom and seeing Kyle and Kelsey develop into these amazing people. I want to love every minute I have left of Kyle's 8 years left at home sinc eI know it will go by way too fast! Hope he is rocking the teams this morning too. way to go big man!

My Recycling soapbox....

Well I have add my story with Kyle last night. for the most part my kids accept the fact that their mom is the only one on the street that fills up three blue recycling totes. Most think I am crazy for paying for them-but if I just put them to the side the trash guys grab it....So I rinse out all my plastic and metal containers and add them to the recycling in the laundry room. Well Kyle had dishduty last night and I had superficially rinse some things, but left them in the sink for further cleaning. Kyle started to groan at me and asked why we recycle. I told him that these things don't break down in the earth when we bury them in a landfill-especially plastic. He stopped and looked at me-Why would anyone want to bury trash. It hit me-it may be more work-but when it cotes down to it-why would we want t o bury trash. I bring my reuseable bags to the store and have been surprised at the reaction. Most people tell me-that's a great idea and all but I don't want to pay for bags. I bought the bags to get started, but plan on making my own from a pattern of using things at home for fun and fashionable bags. This book looks sooo cool and I can't wait to try out her low sew to no sew ideas. She had an old Twister mat and made it into a pool tote bag, got silver mailers and made a chanel looking purse. She took old placemats and made grocery bags with duck tape and a few seams. But the best part of the story was when I went shopping last week for the BIG trip-I took all of my bags (about 10) and filled them all up. As I walked out a woman stopped me and said she was so impressed that I would do that. I said I recycle as best as I can with the curbside recycling and use my bags. I laughed when she said-you don't homeschool too-if you did you must be supermom. I started laughing and said-no-I just try not to go crazy and set a good example for the kids. My mom and grandma were health nuts. So-here's to you Mom and Marj-I'm trying to eat better like you taught me-but at least I am doing my bet to keep the world a better place for my kids like you and Dad did for me.
Kyle ended up doing the dishes without a fuss and even rinsed and stored the recycling. What a great boy I have-this way the blue glaciers he loves so much will still be around when he has kids too.

And so it begins....

Well, we started the first day of school yesterday. The house is sooo quite and I miss them a lot. We had trouble with Kelsey's teachers-but got the principal to resolve it and got the teacher we wanted!!!! I know that Kelsey is in good hands with Mrs. Phipps. Go Cornhuskers for making the teachers I love the best!!! Kyle got an interesting homeroom teacher-I hope their personalities match ok-but the 2nd half of the day he as an awesome GUY teacher! I am really excited about that. Thanks Mr. Jeffery for teaching our kids-you should get paid more!!!
As I left school yesterday with Keira I realized that this is the last time I'll walk out with her on the first day of school. then it will just be Kenna at home with me. Wow. I am trying to find a preschool for Keira-it will probably be ME-but we are getting used to the change. I am dragging still at 6:30am-but we are getting back in the swing of things.
Kyle plays in a tournament this weekend and Kelsey played great last weekend. I worked the concession stand for 8 hours! Man-was that hot!!! I don't think I ever want to see another hot dog again!!!:)

Hopefully this week when I start feeling better-I'll get my house recovered from last week's last ditch effort to get every last drop of fun out of summer in spite of all the rain! We are still surviving with the puppy-he is a good dog-just it's like having another kid...
It always amazes me how fast time goes by as they get older-I fear that the next 8 years will go by in a flash and I'll be kissing Kyle goodbye as he leaves home....He's such a good boy-I hope I am a good mom to him-I love him tons.
Kelsey looks so grown up all of a sudden-so big and yet so small in so many ways. She is an angel and it's hard to say she's in 4th grade now.

What a summer

Well- as you can tell I haven't updated in ages. I'm glad to know that I have 1 friend that reads my blog to remind me I haven't posted in ages. It has been a crazy fun summer. Emotion filled in many ways. It has been a year since my grandfather passed away unexpectedly. He was the only man who was ever a dad in my life. The only man I ever called "Dad". I still miss him terribly and the unconditional love he always had for me even when he disagreed with my choices. He taught me to never give up and that I was a responsible person from the young age of 5. I remember him always telling me I believe in you. He was a veteran in WW II and was a member of the feared 82nd Airborne. He was excited to be one of the first group of men to jump out of airplanes. He worked so hard he was offered a spot in a West Point class and then later taught there. He loved to farm and he loved his piece of land. He loved Texas and nature. He was stubborn. I am sure that is where I get it from and Keira gets her spunk from. She reminds me of him and his green eyes. He was at every graduation I ever had. He took me to the only Daddy-daughter event I attended when I was 6. I sang Faith Hill's song "There You'll Be" at his funeral last summer and it still applies-"Well you showed meHow it feels-To feel the skyWithin my reach-And I alwaysWill remember all-The strength youGave to me-Your love made me-Make it through-Oh, I owe so much to you-You were right there for me"
When I can get my favorite picture of he and I scanned I will post it. But for now-My love to you, Dad. You were the dad I never had but always needed. Thank you-wish I had had more time to tell you all that yu meant to me.

We got to go on our first family vacation since 2002 this summer. It was to Prot Aransas, Texas. We had so much fun as a family and even when it rained it was still fun. We played on the beach, found sand dollars, and shells, and lots of seaweed! We went to a Hooks baseball game and spentn the day at Texas State Aquarium. That was an awesome experience! Kyle and Jeremy got to see Sea Turtles swimming when they went fishing.
The best part was Kenna who is so afraid of anything new came out of her shell when she saw the ocean. First at south Padre Island and then again on Mustang Island. She wanted to sun away from us and play in the ocean all by herself. She was determined to ride the waves and be a big girl all by herself. She loved every second of it and cried when we left. She loved the sand and the salt and the whole experience. Where as Keira announced to us as we left for dinner with GRandma Kip and Tony on SPI that "She doesn't like the beach because it is too sandy and too salty and to sticky!" Daddy agrees with her-but the rest of us would love to spend the summer at the beach!
All the kids loved to touch the sting rays at Texas State Aquarium. And I have to confess it was pretty cool! The dolphins were neat to watch and Kelsey is once again inspired to be a marine animal trainer, vet, soccer player, mom when she grows up. If you see her at the pool she is probably practicing her dolphin training signs! :)
Kyle has come to the conclusion that he didn't play enought baseball this summer and does not want to go back to school. Last summer I was ready for school to start because they were bickering so much and all Kenna did was cry. But this summer they have all gotten along so well and been sooooo much help to me this summer that I am really going to miss them when school starts next week. But they have inspired me to get my butt in gear and get serious about being an athlete once again. I have hung out with their friends and have gotten to know them well. But I want to stay the cool mom-so I am getting myself back in athletic shape. Besides-if my kids are such good athletes-it would be nice to show that they got some of their talent from me...:)hahaha!
Jeremy got a promotion at work-but best of all he got his own office! More work and same pay-Congrats to him! He is a great guy!
For our anniversary-
We went to an Astros game on Saturday where they got their butts kicked 11-5, but we had dinner at Pappas-not as good as I remebered-but it was a fun night. But on Monday (our actual anniversary the 18th) we went to Saltgrass with the entire family. The kids behaved sooo well-it was a glimpse of how nice family dinners could be. The down side was after he gave me his gifts (the really comfy flip flops from Addias, a crocs sling pack and beautiful pick roses) he got food poisoning from Saltgrass so the rest 0f the evening he was feeling bad.

But most of all I appreciate the friendships that have strengthened this summer. I realized that I have three friends that would be there for me in a moments notice and one friend who may be far away-but is stalwart through and through. Thank you to these ladies. It is a gift to have one friend, but to be able to count 4 as true friends is a treasure that is above all monetary possessions. As life seems to be very short as I hear of children dying from cancer and my own loss-friends are priceless treasures that I was afraid I had none of. Thank you for teaching me and I hope that I have helped you in some small way as much as you have helped and inspired me!
I'll be a better writer!