Friday, September 18, 2009

Remember the Rainbows Not the Rain

Well I had my two week check up and she said I not only had endo, but scar tissue and shocker-fibriods! So I am glad that I did have it done even with all the annoying side effects. It seems that there has been more storm clouds.lately, especially now that keira has the flu. I just hope that it doesn't spread.
It is amazing how many kids that are sick between the middle school and the elementary school-someone told me that one of the local peds saw 80 kids in one day this week! I so just want to catch up on Keira and Kenna's room and my floors and the laundry, but with them being sick I am sooooo tired. Jeremy worked so hard to get it all cleaned last weekend and the laundry done, but we still didn't get to her room and laundry is one that never ends-so at least I got a nap in today. I know I need to just let it go-and I will eventually catch up-I keep telling myself-remember the needful things and the Lord will take care of the rest-but it just drives me nuts some days. At least I lost 10 pounds so far! I am excited and motivated by that. I am determinded to run that 1/2 marathon in good time by 40 and triathlon regularly as well-so this is my new beginning.
I have to count my blessings this night and remember the great things the Lord has done for me. Most of all, I am thankful for words that uplift me to remind me of these great blessings to teach me to rely on the Lord and not myself.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

The Refiner's Fire

Well it seems that this summer has been the summer of the refiners fire for a lot of people I know. I wonder what it is that we all need to learn or is it that we just are not as dependent upon the Lord as we should be. That is a rhetorical question, of course. We each have our trials to go through and face, I just wonder why it seems that people that I really care about are being faced with such serious trials. Is it because I am getting older and the trials are bigger? Is it because life just comes at you faster?

I look back on the past 20 years and I am amazed at the things that I have learned both by force and by choice. There are lessons that I never would have chosen to learn. There are things that have taught me just how much the Lord wants us to take care of each other in these times of trials. I know that I am better at doing the taking care of and not being the one being taken care of, but I am trying to get better at that. This week has taught me a lot. I have humbled myself and called and asked for help. It has been hard, but I am so very grateful to my friends who have come by and helped with laundry and Kenna. I am grateful for these friends who have listened to me this week as I have worked through these crazy emotions and hormones! :)

I thought I was prepared for this journey, but I have realized that I wasn't. There are emotions and feelings that hit me when I least expect them not to mention the annoying incisions that are still bugging me. I wonder when we were up in heaven and we looked at this life and the trials we would face if we fully realized the pain we would face? Would we know that we would have friends to help us through? Would we know that we would have the Savior to help us let go of the pain, the anger, the loneliness, the bitterness, and the sorrow? But that we might not always turn to Him? We might in our pride rely on ourselves?
I am grateful that I have the gospel in my life. It gives me the knowledge that I have a Savior. For so long I did not know that. I am so glad that I know that I have a loving Father in Heaven who provided a Savior for me who knows how I feel. I may not always comprehend His love, but I feel it and I see it in the world around me.
Optimism is a gift that He gave me and I am grateful for it. There have been times in my life when I felt I would lose it, but I know that He carried me to that eleventh hour so that I would not lose it. So to my friends who are in that fire right now-hold on. Don't give up. I may not be able to drive for another week, but I am always here for you. :)