One of the moments of being a parent...

So we took family pictures last week with Kelsey of course. I know I keep giving shameful plugs on my blog and facebook, but I really think she is the best photographer with how she captures personality in a way that most people are not able to. It is an art and she is an artist. I have not even seen most of them, but as I looked at the sneak peek of my own kids and then looked at a sneak peek of some mutual friends' kids the stark reality of how fast my kids are growing up hit home even harder. I am not sure where the time has gone. On some days it seems just yesterday that it was Kyle who was the 3 or 4 year old that was the sun kissed blonde kid causing trouble in Primary with these mischief laden blue eyes. Not much has changed in almost 10 years as Kelsey can attest from our photoshoot-he is still full of mischief and mayham, but he will be a teenager in 3 short months. When I look at Kelsey, she is this beautiful strong smart athletic young woman now. Not the little chubby blond toddler with a toothy grin that I probably will always see her as....And Keira...well she is not a baby anymore that is for sure...She is definately a six year old full of opinions and ideas and worries and wanting to be like her big sister and brother. When she gives us her true smile it will always remind me of the day she was born....Then there is Kenna....she is still a handful...she is still clingly....she is still opinionated like no other...but she does not look like a baby anymore. She is a preschooler on her way to becoming a little girl. I am entering a new phase in life and it definately shows in these pictures... Now if only I could catch up to Jeremy in the weight loss department and look younger like he does then while the kids look older and we look younger it will all balance out in the end......RIGHT????

Four years

Four years ago today I had a miscarriage at 13 weeks. I always believed in having a spirit before we came to earth-it was one of the principles that drew me to the church. I had a connection to this baby that I had not had with the others. Even as I began to bleed like the other pregnancies on Easter I just figured it would be a long pregnancy. When I got the news on the 17th that there was no heartbeat, I prayed for a miracle. But by the middle of the night on the 18th I knew that was not to be the case. I can not deny the Lord's hand in those four days. I had a blessing from Jeremy that carried me through the night until we made it to the doctor. And I felt his little spirit with me all that time. It wasn't until I woke up after the procedure that it was so profound. I knew he was with me before the D&C and gone afterwards. So I have that testimony of we lived before we came here. I can only hope that even if I never got the chance to hold him in my arms and get to know him as others have with the children they have known and loved and lost-I hope that I will get that chance one day. One of my mission friends posted pictures of her 20 week baby's hands and feet impressions that was lost last year and it was amazing to be reminded just how fragile life is and to appreciate every moment that we have....