Mommy spackle

I recently was asked to join the autism speaks site by a friend who I had lost touch with many years ago and recently found again. I checked my email this morning to find a sweet hello in my inbox from a mom on this site. My background with austism began with Melissa. She was my dearest friend and mentor as a mom in San Antonio when Kyle and Kelsey were little. Their second child is Kyle's age and was diagnosed with autism just before he was three. They really taught us a lot about what it means to raise an autistic child and all that they did was amazing. By the time they moved to Colorado-he was a different child. Then we moved to College Station and played soccer. We became fast friends with a blended family that was about to have a little boy. Their oldest was so bright, but struggled at times. It has since been diagnosed that he has asperger's. However, the son that was born that first winter there has severe autism. She worked full time until he was 3, but then quit her job to stay home so that he could get all the therapy he would need. She also has two other girls and they are the same ages as my girls and are best buds. I have great respect and awe for Carly and all that she does to raise her family with these challenges she is faced with. I also met another family when we moved her that has a son with autism and although out schedules have been very busy and we have not spent as much time as we would have liked-She is another amazing woman who fought for her child and can see the improvements in his life by finding the right road for him.
So I found a post on this woman's page titled mommy spackle. I laughed and cried as I read it. I loved the term...
She describes a little differently than I would but the gist of it was being put together. Not just as a mom, but as a woman. She works full time, I do not. She is faced with a severe case of autism, I have other challenges with my kids. But I think the mommy spackle in Holland is where I will look for more. (If you have read my post about "Holland"-you'll understand) Every day I am reminded of how out of shape I am. I need more spackle to change that. She mentions manicures-I'd take a pedicure. She mentions sex-I'd just take time alone with Jeremy and then maybe we'll remember what it is like to be young and have hormones! :) And sleep and joy. I may still be low on sleep, but I am trying to get better. But as far as joy goes-I realized yesterday that I need to recognize it more. Our adversity is about how we face it-at times I will not be able to get up and keep going on my own and I know I need to rely on the Savior more, but thankfully He knows me and He knows that I need friends to help me take another step when I don't think I can. They are my angels sent to help me stay on the right path. My family dynamics are different than other when you deal with asthma, and allergies so severely and ADHD and anxiety can be exhausting and most just look at it as a behavior problem and why can't I solve it. But I know that my "Holland" is different than others "France" and I am ok with that now. I really struggled for most of Kenna's life and have cried many tears over her and my other children. But I know it has helped me. I will never hold in this life the baby that I lost, and there are still days that I wonder why, but not like I used to. Kenna's pregnancy may have been hard and it may have felt like I was on a cliff for most of her life up to now-but I am finding a little spackle here and there and slowly putting myself back together. Thank goodness for the gospel and knowing that is the base of my spackle and everything else jsut makes it look good. I hope that I'll get to reach that beautifully remade room when I am done and that I will always remember to look for the rainbows and stop dwelling in the storms.