The truth of all things

You know it's funny the times that you have conversations with your spouse that you aren't expecting..Late last night when he got home from everything I got to talk to Jeremy and was impressed by the conversation he had earlier in the evening. You know sometimes I think that it is hard to be honest because it might tear down that "perfect family" facade even in the midst of trial. I know that I am not good at asking for help except from my true friends that have seen me in my desperate moments. I am slow to trust and loyal to those that I can trust to the bitter end. Past experiences have created this harder exterior that somes to come across as unfriendly in my later years. If anyone knew me back in the day they would never had labeled me as reserved-I was loud and outgoing and probably hyperactive. So my shock when Jermy said he was totally honest in this conversation-was shocking. I mean I am glad that he said it-sorta wishing I still had the guts to say some of it. But most of all it made me think a lot about who I have become. Most of the loves of my life-dancing, running and singing have fallen by the wayside. I plan to find them again and my other loves-right now I am just trying to get in the habit of journalling again with this blog. But I have been thinking a lot of the woman and her accusers who was found in adultery and taken to the Savior before she was stoned to death. (No I didn't commit adultery or anything!!!) I keep wondering what she must have been thinking as she sat there on the ground with everyone holding their stones and the words of the Savior. "So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. 8 And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground.
9 And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst. 10 When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee? 11 She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more. "
Was she thinking-i will never sin again? did the people in the group leave realizing that we each struggle with things that are so different-how can we cast stones when we are all imperfect. I hope that even as I struggle with the wall around my heart that I still have the compassion and love for others whether I agree with them or not. My own road has it's challenges and mountains-let me be the one that helps and not hinders.
Thanks Esther for being the only person in my life that has stuck with me all of these years. I know we have changed a lot in 22 years and not always gotten along, but our friendship has survived and our girls' friendship is a sweet fruit of it all. I am grateful for Bobbi who was an instant friend back in March 2004. I feel as if I have known her forever and when I was so scared of that emergency c-section that she gave me (the stranger) the hugest pep talk that made it an easy one. Hopefully we'll get to watch some Aggie soccer and football with you this fall.
Most of all thanks to those people that have given me the example to be a good mom even thought I was an only child. I thought being a mom would be sooo easy and it is not. But it is fun and I still have days that I wish I could have one more....But that was not in the cards so I am doing my best to love each new day and appreciate all the blessings I have. Because time goes by fast and I hope that in the next life I get to be with those I love forever.